Esta sección de chistes es en Inglés, pues de esta manera los he recibido por el internet
y no me atrevo a traducirlos porque pudieran perder su gracia en la traducción, disfrútelos y recuerde que:
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushesbehind him. He turned to look.
He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his
shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again,and the bear
was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right
on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the
Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..." Time stopped.The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light
shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a
cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as
a Christian now, but perhaps could You make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped
his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty Through Christ our Lord Amen."
The Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies"
Toward the end of the service, the preacher asked the congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your
enemies?" About half held up their hands. He repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time
about 80 percent held up their hands. He repeated his question again and all responded, except one small
elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones," inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jone! s, that is very! unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three," she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson you are to us all. Would you please come down in front of this
congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the 'Bitches'!"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was
a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system
performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal
Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and PGA 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't
forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-
2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email
address is sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and
extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I
made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir.
Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to
pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid
for and you just filled the tank,yesterday"
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a
cop and another one I see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see
here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your
return to society?
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New
Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"